An Open Letter from Bottle Service

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Music Enthusiasts,

We understand why you go to the club. You are there “for the music, man”. We too, are there for the music, man.

However, there are some of us who are older. Some of us have “been here for the music” long before Richie patented the hand flick. Long before Sven put down the eye pencil. And certainly, long before Carl had any friends.

And now, when we come to your clubs, we get a bit overwhelmed. All you knowledgable music connoisseurs in your oversized, black garments intimidate us. This is why we like to have a place we call home-base. A booth where we can feel safe. It just so happens to also go by the name of bottle service.

Now, we’re not saying bottle service is for old people. Oh no. We know better than anyone how much you young, fedora-wearing socialites love a good bottle. We’re just saying that we’re probably the ones funding it. And we’re fine with that, honestly. Because we get to mingle with you… and each other… in a safe, comfortable place.

We hear your arguments. We’ve been hearing them for a while now: Our booths invade your dance floor. Our booths are a cash-cow. Our booths are a sausage-fest. Well, let me tell you why you’re wrong.

Our booths do not impede anyone from dancing. Think about the last time you saw a booth front, centre on the dance floor. Probably never. We do our best to keep our booths away from you. Usually, they line the perimeter of the dance floor. We keep them so far away from you, that it takes us 25 minutes upwards to use the washrooms.

Our booths do not impede you from dancing, nor do they impede us from dancing. To say we “just stand there” is false. If we want to dance— we will dance. Sometimes we will even dance on our booths. Because as I said earlier, we’re there for the music too and we wouldn’t let a little thing like furniture get in the way of our need to express ourselves.

Now, to say bottle service is a cash cow is probably less false. It gets expensive. Trust us, we know— we’re the ones making your vodka sodas. But let me ask you this: How much did you spend on your Guv closing weekend tickets? Somebody’s got to pay the DJ and for goodness sake, just be happy that 90% of the time, it’s our bottles paying and not your entry fees.

Finally, bottle service is not a sausage-fest. It is not some covert, designated zone where thirsty men hang out. If there’s one thing a bottle is capable of, it’s attracting the ladies. Whether they admit it or not, girls love bottle service.

And you know which lady really loves bottle service? The lady handing you your bottle at the start of the night. Please don’t be so ignorant as to think bottle service is an excuse for men to flash their black cards. We all know who’s really walking away from this night with bank. #ThankGodFor18%Gratuity

So now that we’ve straightened this matter out, the next time you go to bash the happy faces in the booth, just remember: our booth is a place of love. Love for you, love for each other and most importantly, love for the music.

Yours Truly,

The Bottle Service Team